Beat Breakers
by Jerex
Summary: Yugi, Marik and Bakura are members of a Band on the run to prove they are innocent of a crime they never committed But in reality tried to commit, failed, gave up allowing an someone else to comit the crime and frame them temparily on haitus
1. Chapter 1

**Beat Breakers **

Synopsis: Yugi, Marik and Bakura all members of the Yami Ano Hikari Band are forced to go on the run in order to prove that they are innocent of a crime they never committed (But in reality attempted to commit, failed and gave up allowing an someone else to step in, commit the crime and let them take the blame for it)

Character list (main characters so far)

Yugi Motou:

The King of Games (a midget with tri-coloured hair, OMG he's an alien!) the Keyboard player in the Yami Ano Hikari punk rock band, famous for never been beaten at a games and for wearing leather outfits with metal belt buckles. He wears and bears the Millennium Puzzle which contains the spirit of an ancient Prude, I mean Pharaoh (Yami Yugi) within it.

Ryo Bakura:

The Thief King (an occult obsessed Albino haired girl like Kleptomaniac) The Drummer in the Yami Ano Hikari punk rock band, an infamous thief with a taste for raw meat and an appetite for trouble. He wears and bears the Millennium Ring which contains the spirit of an ancient Git, I mean Tomb Robber (Yami Bakura) within it.

Marik Ishtar:

The Head of the Tomb Keeper clan (a blonde troublemaker with psychopathic tendencies) a reclusive and ancient Egyptian family whom the Egyptian authorities would like to a word with about 3000 years of back taxes, the lead singer and Guitarist in the Yami Ano Hikari punk rock band, A staunch vegetarian with a history of gang violence (loyal to his friends, has no friends.) He carries and bears the Millennium Scepter that occasionally turns him into an insane mass murdering psychopath (Yami Marik.)

Seto Kaiba: Undisputed World Champion Duelist (until Yugi beat him) And Keeper of the Blue Eyes White Dragon (a Raven haired brunette and a Dragon obsessive) CEO of Kaiba corp an international gaming software company, a boy billionaire described fondest by his friends and fellow duelists as "An arrogant glory hog who deserves a good kick up the ar…" the guardian of his younger brother Mokubo and the Manager of the Yami Ano Hikari punk rock band.

Joey Wheeler:

Yugi's best friend and Second place in the Duelist Kingdom tournament (a dumb blond) described as a 'Mutt' or 'Dueling Monkey' by many of his opponents the tough talking Wheeler (from Brooklyn originally) is always up for a fight be it cards or a straightforward fist fight, quick to anger and slow to think, a reliable friend (as long as you don't mind been let down all the time) despite Kaiba's complaints he's Yami Ano Hikari's Roadie.

Chapter 1 the Prologue

He was obscured by the shadows so there was no chance the security cameras could pick him up, his insane grin widened as he finally reached his goal, no one could stop him now and you know what the best bit was? He wasn't even going to be a suspect, after all who would suspect him when there were three clueless flunkies to take the blame for him. Smashing the glass and ignoring the alarms he laughed maniacally as he ran away cluching his prize, far away.

Let the games begin.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2) Here Come the Fuzz

Chapter 2) Here Come the Fuzz

The Special Op's team was prepared and ready waiting in a black unmarked van opposite the target. The trained marksmen fingered the safety catches on their guns nervously knowing full well that their latest assignment sent them against evil in its purest form.

Teenagers and not just Teenagers but Anarchist Teenagers, Anarchist Teenagers that were in a Punk Rock Band, and to be completely accurate they weren't just Anarchist Teenagers in a Punk Rock Band, they were Celebrity Anarchist Teenagers in a Punk Rock Band.

Teenagers were bad enough on there own everyone down the station still flinched at the mention of the 'Billy the kid' fiasco, he'd almost brought down the force itself which wasn't bad considering he was a fourteen year old white kid from a good home.

And Punk Bands were all devil worshipping sadists who took drugs and their song lyrics all had swearwords in 'em.

Anarchists every cop hated Anarchists, they were the true enemy, the true evil in the world masquerading as Freedom Fighters and Rebels who never took baths and had funny coloured hair (actually that last one was spot on.)

Celebrities, they were worse than all the others hands down, always full of themselves, arrogant, thought they owned the world just because they got on telly and were rich and famous and had a huge estate and dated a super model or Hollywood actress but had did they earn their fame and fortune? Crime that's how, bloody criminals the lot of them.

Put 'em all together and what do you have? Trouble that's what, that and the Yami Ano Hikari Anarchist Punk Rock Band.

"Now listen up" The Commanding Officer Detective Captain Hardcase growled "here's the plan, we go in, we ask politely for the perps to come out"

"And if they don't?" asks one of the heavily armed and armoured Swat team Officers.

Hardcase grinned flashing a wicked set of cracked teeth that offset his broken disjointed nose perfectly "then we kick in the door and storm the place, now remember if it moves yell at it to freeze or you'll fill it full of lead, if it continues moving fill it full of lead an if it hasn't moved yet don't give it the chance to, got that?"

A mutual chorus of muttered agreement came from the Swat team who grinned at each other and 'fondled' their weapons, it had been a while since they had carried out an a 'sting' raid and 'sting' raids were always fun, the looks on the occupants faces when they burst in and stick guns in their faces while telling them to "Get on the ground, get on the ground now, get on the ground you filthy maggot or I'll do you right here, your scum you are your sccuuuumm!!"

The swat team moved quickly when released from the van like a certain swarm of flying monkeys (but without the wings and with a piece each) they shoulder the apartment's door smashing it open, they push in and run down the corridor, reaching a set of stairs they ascend to the third floor two steps at a time, following the corridor down they reach the unmarked room where the teenage suspects hideout was based, it wasn't exactly hard to find as they had rented the room using their own names and the only reason it was unmarked was because the door number had fallen off and had been swept up with the trash. Even then you were lead directly to the room by the copious amounts of hideously loud music blaring from the room, from the sound of things the band rehearsal was in full swing, the Swat team leader smirked chalk up another charge (disturbing the peace) to them.

"Come out with your hands up" the Team leader whispers knocking with a feather like touch upon the door "or were coming in, in 30 seconds" he turns to the officer beside him "that was 30 seconds wasn't it? Alright go Bravo formation" he gestures for the officer to the right of the door to move, he reaches across and smashes down the door with the policeman's ramming tool he then pulls back to the side, the Team leader left of the door waves his team through "Go, Go, Go" he follows them in shouting "Freeze you bunch of mothers"

Now in case you didn't realize Marik technically founded Yami Ano Hikari as a band, and had somehow convinced Bakura and Yugi to join the band sometime after battle city. Why Marik wanted to start a Heavy Metal/Death/Anarchist/Punk Rock Band as Yami Ano Hikari actually was and why he wanted to form it with Yugi and Bakura was a great mystery that even the greatest of present day psychologists, psycho therapists and analysts wouldn't be able to uncover satisfactorily. Perhaps since he'd stopped running the criminal organization known as the Ghouls or Rare Hunters a surprisingly niece criminal ring that only focused on cards and several exceedingly rare and exceedingly ancient artifacts called the Millennium Items, as a consequence his life long hobby of attempting World Domination was no longer viable nor realistic so maybe he just needed a new hobby, either way as Ishizu said "It keeps him out of the house and yet off the streets and out of trouble" 'more or less, usually less'

Yugi and his 'Other me' as he refers to the Ancient, Heroic and wise Pharaoh currently renting space in Yugi's body and soul was only to happy to join a band founded by his previous mortal enemy, (that boy is far to forgiving for his own good) if you couldn't tell from his hairstyle, his clothes, his spirits attitude problem, the thick metal chain he hangs the millennium puzzle on and his vast collection of belt buckles, Yugi is a punk and surprisingly few people know this he also could play the Keyboard quite well. Because of his fame Yugi now found it increasingly difficult to participate in dueling as often as before seeing as he'd immediately be swamped by people wanting his autographs or a shot at the god cards and his title of King of Games and since he was already famous the lifestyle of a rock star suited his jet-set life perfectly.

How on Earth Marik had persuaded the shy yet sticky fingered Bakura and even more shockingly the other Bakura who is known as the unstoppable Thief king was yet another unexplained mystery like do UFO's and the Abominable Snowman really exist? Are School Dinners really food? What did kill of the Dinosaurs? And did the ball really cross the line in 66? To look at Ryo Bakura with his long white locks and doe like features all wrapped up in a stripy T-shirt one wouldn't realize that not only could he play the drums but that he both liked and preferred them. His Yami the soul stealing Domino's most wanted on the other hand yeah, he loved the Drums as well. That said Ryo Bakura did not look like the type, then again he doesn't look like the type to use a deck of cards based on the creepiest and scariest looking monsters you could imagine and quite a few that you couldn't imagine as well, nor would his father say that his son was the kind of person to be found possessed by an ancient evil spirit bent on world domination. Lets face it had taken his friends a month before they realized that he was a compulsive thief damn it!

Seto Kaiba was the governor; I expect your wondering why the hell the President of Kaibacorp a computer gaming company would become the manager of a Punk Rock band? I can not be held responsible for any lack of imagination on your part I can however tell you that that's precisely the reason he became the bands manager you idiots. He may not like them but they are all high ranking Duelists and as a band they can actually string together some half-way decent music, if a little noisy for Kaiba's tastes other people still liked it and would pay to listen and dance to it. It was a nice little earner plus he wasn't about to let some smooth talking opportunist take control of Yugi Motou, not when he could do it and also double the profits while he's at it.

As for the roadie Joey, well every band needs someone to sweep up and supply the refreshments, of course Kaiba didn't like it but then Joey didn't like Kaiba as such they usually ended up Dueling each other (mat based rather than Duel Disc to save time and due to space and time issues.)

And this is what the Swat team saw upon entering the room commando or is that Dukes of hazard style?

Marik had his back to them his hand a blur on his electric guitar, Yugi beside him was facing the side and also didn't notice them he was playing the keyboard, Bakura was opposite Marik by the window he hit a cymbal with his drum stick and continued the drumbeat.

Kaiba and Joey were sitting around a small table to the left hand side of the room they were both wearing ear plugs to prevent themselves from going deaf, while the band members seemed immune any and all noise levels the roadie and manager were not, that's not to say Joey didn't like the music he did, just not when the speakers were cranked up to a 155, they were in mid-duel as they couldn't hurl the traditional insults and trash talking the Duel was progressing much faster than normal and as such they were presently on their third match with Joey determined to win this time. While Kaiba's back was facing the door, opposite him Joey had a grandstand view of the door been smashed in and the Swat team storming the room and gaped in amazement, unfortunately for all concerned no one could hear a thing over the music, so the Swat team's demands went unanswered and Joey's colourful exclamation went unheard.

You know how it is everyone's speaking at once and you can't understand a word but then someone says a name, maybe your name or someone you know and then it instantly clicks, you don't hear it but you understand it, you feel it.

"Censored it's the censored Fuzz" exclaims Joey jerking in his seat, eyes wide and alarmed.

Bakura looked up as his Yami takes over 'police where?' he thinks, leaping to his feet he throws his drumsticks at the Swat team before reaching across his drum kit to wrench of a cymbal and with a scream of "You'll never take me alive!" which was pointless as no one could hear a word, jumped through a window and out to freedom, having used the cymbal as a makeshift shield.

Kaiba having seen that something had broken the Mutt's weak concentration and then witnessing Bakura damage his drums and then jump out of a window instead of using the door like everyone else deduced that something was wrong, turning around he sees the police fire two rounds at the disappearing Bakura which one luckily misses and the other was deflected by the Cymbal before Bakura dropped from view.

Marik frowns 'why has Bakura jumped out of the window?' he thinks 'he knows were on the second floor, ah well he must have had his reasons' he spins round accidentally bashing one of the officers over the head with his guitar dropping him like a bad habit, instantly every piece in the room was trained on Marik like a scene from a gang warfare film, Marik wasn't concerned with the guns presently aimed at his head he was more concerned with a certain white haired thief 'why that cowardly little albino weasel' he thinks hotly 'he saved his own hide and left us in the lurch' Marik did what any former leader of a crazed Card stealing crime syndicate would have done in the circumstances he yelled "It's the rozzors!" and threw his guitar at the remaining officers who fire on reflex, not pausing for an instant while a hail of bullets rip his pride and joy to shreds (the guitar, don't be morbid) buying him enough time to reach another window and throw himself through it coping the Tomb Robber to freedom, hoping he had a plan.

Since everyone had now stopped playing the sound of the second window breaking was now hearable despite the fact everyone who wasn't wearing ear plugs ears were ringing. Kaiba pulls out his ear plugs and tries to calm everyone down, but his efforts are hindered by the officers who have already lost two suspects and there not going to lose another "I give up" Yugi says backing away slowly "I will not resist arrest" he holds his hands up in the traditional I surrender gesture. There was a crash behind him as Marik jumps back through the third and previously unbroken window "Leg it Yugi" he yells as he grabs him by the scruff of the neck and bodily throws him and himself through the last remaining unbroken window and into mid-air

**ShadiStar13: thanks for the vote of confidence I was holding of producing the first chapter but, since you liked the idea I decided to go ahead, it isn't as weird or as random as the traditional crack fic humour fic's and I think that's what makes it better, it is loaded with humour though.**

**I do the laughing out loud on the computer in college thing all the time but everyone in college knows I'm weird so they don't take any notice. I just though Mariks lived of the grid until he attended battle city and his family have been isolated for thousands of years since the days of the nameless pharaoh so that means they haven't paid taxes ever.**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3) On the run

**Yugioh Themes music (that I think identifies with each of the characters)**

**Yugi: Paradise, See the Light (styles and breeze mix)**

**Yami Yugi: the Automatic, Monster**

**Bakura: Tilt, Invisible**

**Yami Bakura: PPK, Resurrection**

**Good Marik: Fall Out Boy, THKS FR TH MMRS**

**Evil Marik: DJ Demand, Dark and Light**

**Yami Marik: REM, It's the End of the World as we know it**

**Mokuba Kaiba: ATB, 9PM (till I come)**

**Seto Kaiba: Hybrid, Unfinished Symphony (seriously check this one out it takes a while to get going but when it does it's a remixed version of the honest to goodness Kaiba theme music from the series!)**

**Tea Gardner: ****Cascada, Every time we touch**

**Joey Wheeler: Warrior, Warrior**

**Tristan Taylor: Planet Perfecto, Bullet in the Gun**

**Duke Devlin: Ant and Dec, Better Watch Out**

**Serenity Wheeler: Paul Van Dyk, Forbidden fruit**

**Maximillion Pegasus: The Feeling, Never be Lonely **

**Bandit Keith: Rippin, Gamer**

**Mai Valentine: Styles and Squad E, Party People**

**Mako Tsunami: Chicane Feat (Bryan Adams,) Don't Give up**

**Rex Raptor: Jack Hartmann, Dinosaurs Dinosaurs**

**Weevil Underwood: Halo of Flies, I'm a Bug**

**Ishizu Ishtar: Angelic, It's My Turn (the lyrics to this one are so appropriate)**

**Odion Ishtar: McFly, I'll be Okay**

**Noa Kaiba: Last tribe, Gamemaster (Signum Remix)**

**Shadi: Pulse of the Sphinx **

Chapter 3) on the run

Yami Yugi's first thought was 'I've just been pulled through a window by Marik' his second was 'but we're on the third floor' his third was 'goodbye cruel world' his forth was of no consequence as it wouldn't have worked anyway.

Yami Yugi was therefore surprised to find a second later that not only was he still alive but had landed beside Yami Bakura on a taught stretched canopy over the sidewalk, unfortunately the combined weight of Marik, Yami Bakura and Yami Yugi caused them to be thrown up and out over the busy road, as luck would have it they did not fall under the wheels of a passing vehicle but rather on top of a passing mini.

Yami Bakura landed like a cat beside the aerial while Marik landed on the balls of his feet managing to keep his balance with grim determination he crouches down to reduce is centre of gravity, Yami Yugi didn't have as much experience (general experience it's not like Bakura, Yami Bakura and Marik regularly jump on top of passing cars) and skidded across the roof and slipped over the side into the path of a passing lorry, or he would have had Marik not grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and held on as the lorry zoomed past his head merely millimeters away from the lorry's side, his hair tugged by it's slipstream, after this Marik manages to pull Yami Yugi back onto the roof, to relative safety.

Back in the rehearsal room or low budget accommodation with air conditioning (no glazed windows) as it was marketed in the Daily Domino Newsprint Kaiba raises his hands in a pacifying gesture and asks quite calmly and reasonably "What is this about, why are you here, can I be of service?"

"Shut up, get on the ground, get on the ground now!" replies the Officer in charge, as two of his men grab hold of Joey slam him face first into the dirt and slaps the 'cuffs on.

"I have rights, I won't be treated like this, I'm Seto Kaiba…" before Kaiba can continue he's grabbed by the Officer in charge and has his head smashed repeatedly into a wall (can anyone say Police brutality) as he lost consciousness he felt a flash of pain jolt through his wrists as some one roughly handcuffs them together, he falls to the floor hitting his already damaged head against it as peaceful oblivion takes him.

Back on the car roof Yami Yugi holds onto the aerial for dear life while Marik flicks a finger in the direction of the filth as he stands to his feet "Swivel on that" he says before been knocked of the still moving and indeed speeding car by a low sign, Yami Yugi and Yami Bakura exchange glances, nod once and jump of tucking and rolling they land on the roadside safely.

Reverting back to their light halves Yugi and Bakura approach their fallen and unpredictable companion who lies motionless on his front on the tarmac.

"Is he dead?" asks Bakura timidly.

Marik groans and rolls over onto his back "No he isn't" he moans his head lolling his eyes unfocused he looks back down the road where they came from, and frowns "Yugi, Bakura isn't that a speeding JCB?" Yugi and Bakura look up from Marik to see an enormous Juggernaught bearing down on them, about to turn them into road kill in a matter of seconds, their faces contort with fear, their bodies freeze with fright as they are unable to do anything but scream and await their inevitable deaths.

Horn blaring the Juggernaught ran over the three duelists roaring across them it continues on its murderess way, but don't worry all three of our favorite antagonists survived, Bakura had flat out fainted and was lying face down beside Marik while Yugi had had his legs kicked out from under him by Marik and had also survived as the Juggernaught drove literally over them, it's undercarriage a centimeter if it were an inch away from his and Marik's nose's.

Yugi gasps and gapes struggling to breath after so many near death experiences one after the other, he was white from fright and pale from shock, Marik nodded his head hitting it against the tarmac painfully but not caring and pats Yugi on the shoulder comfortingly "It's okay, your okay, were okay"

A second Juggernaught horn blazing ran over them, Yugi started screaming again.

Kaiba had a terrible migraine; his head was splitting literally, he'd came to in a sparse and dilapidated interview room, and was just starting to get comfortably set in his agony and was contemplating suing the police department for any penny it's got when the door jerked open and a man dressed in a pinstripe suit and sporting a friendly smile enters a female officer appears behind him and closes the door.

"Mr. Kaiba" he nods respectively before sitting down opposite Kaiba on the other side of the table, the officer chooses to remain standing beside the door to the man's side "can we get you anything?" he gestures warmly and takes a box of cigarettes from an inside jacket pocket "cigarette?" Kaiba shakes his head but stops immediately as the pain in his cracked skull increases ten fold "non-smoker huh?" the man replies "sensible, how about a cup of coffee?" Kaiba learned from his mistake and didn't attempt to nod "coffee please…" it came out more pleadingly than he'd originally intended but had the welcomed result.

"Tanya one cup O' Joe for Mr. Kaiba here" he smiled brightly at the disgruntled CEO as the officer leaves the room "lets cut to the chase here shall we? Are you sure you don't want a cigarette?" he tails of as he reaches for the box of cigarettes again "No. of course you don't" he says "now…Mr.'s Bakura, Ishtar and Motou what can you tell me about them" he smiled.

Kaiba could be forgiven for been slower on the up take than usual as he had recently suffered a severe head injury.

"Them, you want them why? What for? What have they done?" Kaiba asks in surprise.

"I asked first" the man said still smiling as the door opens and the officer re-enters placing a polystyrene cup full of the nectar of the Gods in front of Kaiba, who breaths in the caffeine fumes and felt a little less worse.

"Look Mister…" starts Kaiba

"Stern, Detective Sergeant Stern" did this guy ever stop smiling?

"I, Don't, Know, What, They, Did, Why, Am, I, Here?"

Detective Sergeant Stern stands up still smiling "Sergeant let's give Mr. Kaiba here a few minutes to think things over" he and the officer leave the room, ten seconds later a beefy looking man in an ill fitting trench coat and trilby, with a scraggily moustache, a bull neck and a broken nose barrowed into the room and slams his fist against the table top causing the cup of coffee to leap up and down with a clatter amazingly not a drop of coffee was spilt during this, as Kaiba jerks back his head erupts with agony.

"Play times over Kaiba" growls the man leaning over the table he invades Kaiba's personal space "Baruka, Malik and Yomi"

"Bakura, Marik and Yugi" Kaiba corrects him automatically.

"Don't you get smart with me!" roars the 'Bad' cop "where are they?" he yells his arms wind milling about "where would they go? Who would they meet? What will they do?"

"How the hell should I Know?" growls Kaiba unable to shout back in his condition but sorely tempted to "I don't even know what there supposed to have done"

"Oh yes? A likely story, I bet you were in on it from the start weren't you, probably the brains behind it, that's it right, they take the risk, you reap the rewards, was that how it was?"

"I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE BLITHERING ABOUT" screams Kaiba "I WANT TO SPEAK TO MY SOLICITOR" Kaiba almost blacks out from the pain caused by raising his voice that loud.

"You can have a solicitor when I say so sun shine" sneers the 'bad' cop 'accidentally' throwing Kaiba's cup of coffee against the wall "an I aint saying so until you confess about your involvement in the job"

"What job?" asks a confused Kaiba.

"So that's the way it is, is it? Wait here, don't move" he strides over to the door wrenches it open and strides out slamming it shut in his wake. For half a minute peace and then…the door opens again and Stern enters the room.

"Chewing gum?" he offers Kaiba a piece.

Kaiba stares at him "Who was…?"

"Detective Sergeant Headcase" answers Stern with his ever present smile present.

Kaiba closes his eyes and groaned 'not the good cop, bad cop routine, please no' he thinks.

"So have you been thinking about your friends and where they might be?"

'Kill me now!' Kaiba begs the heavens 'please!' but his pleas when unanswered.

Joey wasn't faring much better it had been decided that he was to thick to know anything so he'd been thrown into the holding area cell with a bunch of red collar felons awaiting release or charges and was presently trading blows with a bunch of common street punks, now these here punks were used to beating down simple thugs but Joey was anything but a simple thug…Okay he is a thug but he isn't a simple thug…alright yeah he's a simple thug, but, uh, but he's from Brooklyn, that has to count for something.

Joey gave almost as good as he got, but he was outnumbered and he didn't have Tristan for support this time.

Kaiba was led through the station by a balding middle aged desk sergeant who opened up the cage (holding area) and pushed him into it, locking up again he ignores the fight and returns to his post, years of experience had taught him to turn a blind eye in these situations or risk getting a black eye.

So it came as no surprise that he ignored the increased grunts and groans that followed as Kaiba uncharacteristically laid into the punks and helped the Mutt.

"I suppose I shud t'ank yer fer 'dat" Joey gripes as he wiped a trail of blood across his nose and ducks another punch.

"Oh please" scoffs Kaiba acting uncannily like a bear with a sore head "less talk and more action Pup"

"Hey who are you calling a puppy dog?" spurred on by Kaiba's words Joey doubles his efforts, it didn't take them long after that to take out everyone who was spoiling for a rumble, but of course violence between prisoners is not allowed and guess who takes all the blame?

"Those two" Hardcase indicates Joey and Kaiba through the bars "Kaiba and Weely" "Wheeler!" "Whatever throw 'em in the solitary confinement cell"

The officer addressed looked troubled "but sir the Drunks already in there"

"Then put 'em in with the drunk" growled Hardcase "they will tell me everything I want to know once I'm done with them" he declares

**Can Kaiba and Joey survive been trapped in the same small cell for an indefinite period of time?**

**Who is the mysterious Drunk?**

**Have Yugi, Marik and Bakura survived their hazardous rest on the road?**

**And will we ever discover just what crime they are supposed to have committed anyway?**

**At least some of these questions shall be answered next time**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 Didn't do the crime, won't do the time

**ShadiStar13: thanks for the review, I'm already writing the next chapter but I'm having a hard time topping this one, Joey and Kaiba have to put up with each other in jail with a drunk.**

**Sabishii Kage Tenshi: thanks for the review, I'm glad you found it interesting, it's an insane story and the characters are all slight OC but I'm enjoying writing it.**

Chapter 4 Didn't do the crime, won't do the time

Yugi, Bakura and Marik slouched along the streets after a hair raising narrow escape on the high way they were eager to reach the quieter streets of Domino.

"So" gasps Yugi breathlessly "why are the police after you?" Marik quick as a flash replies "they aren't after us" Yugi snorts and Marik continues "they're after all of us"

"Me?" he exclaims "I've done nothing illegal!" Bakura and Marik exchange nervous glances "yeah, about that" one explanation later "WHAT!"

0o0o0

Kaiba walked into the small cell with dignity, their was a bunk bed across to the side and another smaller single bunk set up to the other side which was amazing considering the room was barely big enough to be considered a small cupboard, a suspicion that was confirmed when Kaiba looked into the corner and found a couple of brooms stacked there, opposite the door was the outer wall with a high up window that Kaiba could look out through the bars, the cell was decked out in the usual damp and dismal grey brick affair.

A few seconds later a struggling Joey was thrown into the cell, landing on a rickety wooden table that took up almost all the floor space available, the table promptly collapsed under his weight depositing him with a cry of surprise at Kaiba's feet with a shower of sawdust and broken bits of wood.

"Why you!" Joey jumped to his feet just in time to have the cell door slammed shut in his face. "Be quite" snaps Kaiba. "Hey you can…" Kaiba glares at him "I said down puppy" he pushes Joey over and smirks "role over and play dead" he laughed "leave the thinking to those of us who are designed for it"

"You wanna go moneybags?" Joey leaps to his feet and squares up to Kaiba who raised an eyebrow "not really, it would be unsporting of me to pick on someone as mentally challenged as you are" Joey laughs at that "Ha! Since when did you care about been sporting? We can't duel without are decks so lets settle this with our fists!"

"You couldn't compete with me in a Duel or otherwise" sneered Kaiba "I'd suggest a battle of wits instead but your not even half prepared"

"Ooh really?" Joey grabs Kaiba by the collar "I'm warning you" growls Kaiba grabbing Joey by the collar "an I give you no warning" retorts Joey. "Bad puppy" sneers Kaiba "talking back to your master" their faces are now inches apart.

"Pipe down" a low voice tells them to shut up, accompanied by a pathetic groan. The Two foes blink in surprise and release their death grip on each other and back away, turning to their right they realize that the bundle of shabby sheets on the single bunk is in fact a person, barely managing to pull himself into a sitting position, the Drunk unwinds the sheet that's wrapped around him "Master Marik? Have you seen Master Marik?" he asks before sliding across the bunk and falling of it to land hard onto the concrete floor.

"What the…" exclaims Kaiba. "Huh? It's him" says Joey. He and Kaiba suddenly remember "you're the Drunk!" they say simultaneously before glaring at each other "Mutt" "Kaiba grrrr.."

0o0o0

"I can't believe you did that…I mean you ricked me, how could you!" says a hurt Yugi tears trickling down his face "I thought you were my friends" he splutters.

Bakura looks bashful "I didn't want to, he made me" Marik scowls "No I didn't the Tomb Robber did I just went along with it" he scuffs the sole of his shoe against the pavement, "that's what I meant" states Bakura refusing to meet Yugi's eyes.

_One Week Previously, Midnight, Domino City Centre._

"Marik!" complains Yugi "why are we here? Why can't we go to Tristan's party now, we'll be late" he was sitting uncomftable in the drivers seat of rickety old car, the number plates had fallen of, the paint work was flaking and in place of a tax disk was a note saying 'Tax in post' Marik sighs "Bakura's having a little bother getting ready" lies Marik smoothly "he won't be much longer" he looks around the darkened street, most of the street lights around here were either broken or vandalized and the only light source came from the inside car light, which was just about the only thing that worked properly in the car.

"Why are we here?" asks Yugi "were miles away from Bakura kuns apartment"

"He's visiting a friend of his families" lies Marik on the spot, but Yugi isn't put of that easily "Why does he have to take so long" he complains "He's taking longer than Anzu an she has more make up and stuff to put on"

Marik snorts as he envisions Bakura dabbing on make up and saying "just one minute" still he was just as impatient as Yugi, after all Bakura was taking longer than they had planned, and Marik was very worried about the whole deal, there was a lot about the heist that could go wrong, and he hoped it hadn't backfired against them.

"Are you sure I'm alright to drive this thing. I haven't got a license" frets Yugi. "It's okay you can drive it as long as an experienced driver like me is with you" answers Marik lying again, Yugi didn't have a provisional license and as such he couldn't legally drive a car even with an experienced driver present, besides even though Marik was technically an experienced driver, although he only ever drove motorbikes, he didn't exactly have a license either.

"You can drive right?" a suspicious Yugi asks Marik who replies with exaggerated patients "I own a bike of course I can drive" Yugi shakes his head "anyone can ride a bike" he claims.

"A Motorbike you numskull" Yugi threw up his hands in frustration "then why don't you drive?" he asks, a good point unfortunately Marik could never get the hang of the gear stick as such any car driven by him kept stalling which meant while he made an excellent look out he was a poor getaway car driver, "I've had a few" he replies, it would upset Yugi who now thought he'd been drinking, not that he doesn't enjoy a drop behind his sisters back, ironically he cold sober as of now, you couldn't pull of a job drunk, while Yugi droned on about the evils of drink, Marik zoned out, it was no good he'd have to go and see what was keeping Bakura.

"Are you sure it's alright?" asks Yugi giving up on his lecture on drinking, Marik nods his head reassuringly "Yeah course it is" he replies "he's probably just arguing with the Tomb Robber"

"I meant the car" Yugi's voice takes on an edge of hysterics "it doesn't respond properly"

"It's a car not a Duel Monster" retorts Marik. "The break pedal is loose" Yugi tells him. "Must be a lose screw" replies Marik. "The clutch is stiff" insists Yugi. "It just needs oiling" claims Marik. "The warning light fell of!" Yugi panics and falls to pieces.

"You must have pressed the wrong button" replies Marik "look its not going to bite you Yugi, I'm just going to see what's keeping Baka no Kura" he jumps out of the car slamming the door behind him and causing Yugi to jump a mile, the doors window falls down getting stuck half way "Marik!" calls out Yugi in desperation "pipe down" hisses Marik glancing around nervously "I'll be back in just a minute"

A few minutes later he bumps into Yami Bakura on the way back to the car "well" demands Marik. "Well what?" snaps back Yami Bakura. "How'd it go?" snaps Marik "please tell me you didn't mess it up" Bakura glares at him "I didn't mess it up" he growls. "Don't lie to me Kura" says Marik as he lets out a sigh.

"Of course I'm not lying" growls Yami Bakura "It's a no go, securities to tight, we could try again after we've modified the plan"

"Oh…Heck…ah FXXking hell" Marik swears violently. "Get it out of your system partner, little Yugi need never know what we were planning" Yami Bakura gives back control to Bakura.

"Ah Damnit we were so close" Marik stomps of, Bakura follows him "maybe it's for the best" he says quietly. "Are you or are you not a thief?" Marik shoots back. "I can't help but steal stuff, I don't purposely set out to do it, I just can't stop myself" Bakura grimaces and continues "stealing on purpose is his department" he claims "besides that I never did approve of involving Yugi in all this"

"We needed a getaway car driver, you know that" Marik snorts "I didn't know I'd have to spend the whole time holding his hand though" he adds. "Then why didn't you choose someone else?" Bakura asks him as they approach the car Marik had lifted for them earlier. "Joey's too stupid, Tristan to indecisive, Devlin to annoying, Kaiba haaaaaaaa, nothing, Tea" shudders "there was no one else" they reach the car and get in, joining Yugi who puts the car into gear and drives of bumping the curb slightly causing the rear bumper to fall of.

_One week later, Domino city streets._

"I'm an accessory to a crime I had no part in" a miserable Yugi declares. "Hey" Bakura with his ever present upper class English accent piped up "how do you think we feel?"

"We planned that heist for months, and now someone's beat us to it" Marik scowls and kicks a random can across the sidewalk and into the gutter, Bakura shoots him a dirty look "we were going to steal it" he admits "but then we found out that there was more security than we had originally anticipated so we didn't do it, Yugi! Were innocent I swear"

Yugi looks at them dubiously, maybe they were telling the truth this time. Yami Yugi takes over "Why should we believe anything the Tomb Robber says?" he asks condemningly.

Yami Bakura takes over from Bakura but before a fight King Vs Thief can begin Marik shoves the Millennium Rod in between them. "Cos You an Yugi are in this with us My Pharaoh" he gives him a mock bow that he makes appear as insulting as possible.

"I have honor and justice on my side if I tell the truth…" Marik interrupts him "You and me an Bakura if will go away for thirty years apiece in prison, is that what you want for your pretty little Hikari?"

"Please" Bakura as his Yami had relinquished control back to him pleads with the ancient Pharaoh "you have to believe us, you have help us"

Yami Yugi regards the pair, the albino and the blonde, one quiet and apologetic the other loud and rowdy. "I may be insane" he sighs "but I believe you and I'll help you clear your names" he smiles at the unlikely pair. "Our names" Marik reminds him.

"We should just turn ourselves in and explain everything to the police" Yami Yugi decides.

"Worst plan ever" Marik groans "There not going to believe anything we say" he turns round "right Bakura? Bakura?" he looks around, the white haired kleptomaniac was no where to be seen, Marik shakes his head "never mention the P O L I C E word in front of Bakura" he sighs.

"Where'd he go?" Yami Yugi asks Marik surprised, glancing around the empty street as though expecting him to just reappear "he was just here a second ago" he states in amazement.

"Mention the Capital P word and Bakura's gone like a shot" explains Marik "He could be anywhere by now"


	5. Chapter 5

Sabishii Kage Tenshi: Thanks for the review, humour is what I strive for with this fic, and I believe I achieve it just right

**Sabishii Kage Tenshi: Thanks for the review, humour is what I strive for with this fic, and I believe I achieve it just right.**

**ShadiStar13: That's going to be a running theme, they know what crime they've supposed to have committed, the police know what has been stolen, but it's never specifically stated at least not unless I can't help it anyway.**

Chapter five) The Bakura Hunt

"Rashid!" exclaims Joey "What the hell are you doing here?" Kaiba demands to know. Rashid considers "Wishing I was somewhere else" he answers "sleeping of a hangover" he drags himself back onto the bunk, and rested precariously along the edge.

Joey now sat on the bottom bunk, feet resting on the floor, body bent so not to smack his head against the top bunk where Kaiba now lay on his side facing Rashid's bunk, since there was only a foot of space from the bunk to the ceiling he couldn't sit up like Joey could.

"What" began Kaiba "have you been arrested for?" Rashid stopped swaying and tried desperately to string a thought together "I forget" he replied finally. "You forgot why you were arrested?" Joey asks him.

"Not quite, I forgot it was illegal in your country to punch a passing stranger when you feel like it" he replied seriously. "Oh" said Joey not sure how to respond to that. "You were drinking then?" Kaiba asked boredly.

"Not really, I was in a pub but the Land lord asked me to leave" Rashid falls back onto the bunk, unable to remain in a seated position. "You were thrown out" states Joey.

"There are forces in this world that stop a man from drinking; the Landlord, closing time and no money are three of them"

"Which one got you?" asks Kaiba. "All three" claimed Rashid "broke into an off license with Master Marik and the Tomb Robber, woke up three days later, bout an hour ago" he closes his eyes "I am unclear on the precise details"

OoOoO

"Where could he be?" moans Marik leading Yugi through the city streets searching for their elusive friend "were on the run from the cops and he decides to go walkabouts"

"Well I don't know where he'd go" replies Yugi "you know his Yami better than me where do you think he'd go?"

"Well…" Marik thinks about it hard "if the Tomb Robber is influencing him, it'd be somewhere crowded plenty of people to pinch things from, or a place with lots of choice items to choose from, easy to hide in, where he wouldn't look to conspicuous, could be some where teenagers are commonly found"

Yugi considers the matter "Kaiba land?" he suggests but Marik shakes his head "nah Kaiba would kill him, besides we already did it a couple of days after Battle City" Yugi looks up at Marik who stops talking and looks back with realization dawning on their faces "the Mall!" they declare as one.

OoOoO

As Bakura wandered around the large shopping mall, practically invisible amongst the thrall of shoppers bustling about, and teenagers hanging out, there was something comforting about theft, maybe it was having a constant voice whispering at best shouting at worse, telling him to steal, to rob, to pinch things, to kill Yugi but he always ignored that last one.

Picking pockets was an art, a tricky yet worthwhile to learn knack, not just anyone could pick it up though, you needed to have excellent reflexes, light and steady hands, Bakura had all these qualities and had learnt the skill from the best, forget the artful dodger compared to the spirit of the Ring he was a rank amateur.

Bakura only ever targeted people who appeared like they could afford it the rich and well of, as well as those who he just didn't like, Kaiba was the only exception as he'd break Bakura's arms and not let a violent and homicidal five thousand year old spirit stop him.

So far he'd snagged several duel Monsters cards, six wallets, three bags of sweets, two purses a couple of buttons, a watch and some condom packets that he'd deposited in the nearest bin in disgust.

His Dark side was bothering him again, demanding that he moved on to shop lifting now, while this in its self represented a far greater moral dilemma for Bakura, he had always fancied one of those pocket televisions and he definitely needed a new I pod.

"Hey Ba…uh Kura! Over here" yelled a loud and familiar voice. Yami Bakura grumbled annoyed at the interruption, but Bakura turned round happy to see a relieved looking Yugi and a disgruntled Marik.

"Hi guys I'm sorry about that" Bakura apologizes, blushing slightly. "It's not your fault" replies Yugi encouragingly. Mariks smile was forced his yes darted about looking for trouble. "Yes very nice and all, but considering our situation, we should be avoiding public places like this"

They were leaving when Yugi saw it and stopped in amazement to gape into a shop window "Earth to Yugi we don't have the time for window shopping, come on" an annoyed Marik tries to pull him away, but Yugi merely points at the window, where dozens of tellys were displaying the same channel.

First Marik Ishtar then Bakura Ryo and finally Yugi Motou flashed across the screen accompanied by a picture.

Marik's was out of focus and had been blown up; from the lighting it appeared to have been taken at a Yami Ano Hikari gig. Bakura's seemed passport like and made him appear extremely unthreatening and angel like. Yugi's taken during a duel was actually of Yami Yugi.

Marik pulled them into the shop so they could hear what was been said about them.

"…Are considered dangerous and desperate, although details are still confused they are reported to be the prime suspects in the Domino museum robbery. Earlier today they avaided arrest and are at present presumed to be at large within Domino city, all three are band members in the controversially popular Yami Ano Hikari band, the band manager and CEO of Kaiba Corp Seto Kaiba and Joey wheeler a championship duelist and friend Of Yugi Motou's are said to be helping the police with their enquires, and now the weather"

"Not good" mutters Marik desperately, it was lucky the shop was more or less empty, too bad about the mall, especially as it won't just be the police who recognize them any more "We have to go now" he decides "got to get of the streets and quickly"

"But Joey and Kaiba are in trouble" argues Yugi naively "Uh Yugi" Bakura tells him "according to my Yami they'll have been arrested to get at us, or at least that's what he believes" Marik nods expertly "he's right of course" Yugi gapes at them and allows Yami Yugi to take over "then we should save them" he declares boldly.

Marik shakes his head as Bakura is taken over by Yami Bakura who snorts "there in Jail Pharaoh, we have our own names to clear first" he claims before turning to Marik "where can we hide out until the heats of?" Marik ways up their options "my old hideout back when I ran the Ghouls" he suggests "it's on the docks, we should get moving"

Yami Yugi however stood his ground refusing to move "what about Kaiba and Joey we can not abandon them" he insists "especially since it is our fault they are in this mess with us"

Marik beseeches the Gods for help but receives stony silence in answer to his pleas "we'll come up with an escape plan when we reach my lair" Yami Bakura snorts at this, Marik ignores him pushing Yami Yugi out of the shop, Yami Bakura follows behind. "Now get a move on!" However as they start towards the exit a security guard starts jogging towards them "Hey You!" He calls out.

"Here we go again" sighs Marik. "Leg it!" yells out Yami Bakura as they break into a run.


	6. Chapter 6

ShadiStar13: thanks for the review, this chapter is just as hilarious I think, although Kaiba, Joey and Rashid don't make an appearance

ShadiStar13: thanks for the review; this chapter is just as hilarious I think, although Kaiba, Joey and Rashid don't make an appearance.

Chapter 6) Super Secret Super Villain Lair's and Super Evil Master plans

After loosing the security guard and escaping the overcrowded mall, the three duelists ran out of its side entrance like three bats out of hell. And once again our intrepid heroes were on their way to Marik's super secret evil super villain lair Bwaaaaa (evil laughter excepted, should be read to the tune of the Pokemon voice over man.)

They couldn't just run through the streets drawing attention to themselves so they settled for walking at a leisurely pace in the direction of the docks, it's just unfortunate that they happen to have the appearance of three wanted fugitives.

They were half way there when they realized that they had picked up a tail, a brown sedan was following them virtually curb crawling, they walked a bit faster, the car increased speed, they started jogging along the streets, the car sped up again. "Their after us" exclaims Marik, "Run!" screams Bakura as they break into a run.

Inside the plain clothed police car Detective Stern swears violently "they've seen us" he tells his driver "hit the gas" the car roars of in pursuit of the three fugitives of justice as Stern swings out of the car window to place a blue flashing light on top of the car roof "so much for letting them lead us to wherever they stashed the loot" he complains bitterly as he grabs his mobile and tries to call up dispatches to report that he is chasing domino's most wanted.

Naturally when chased by the police in car, the three desperate teens do what any teenagers in their positions would have done and cut through the back ways and alleyways where the car couldn't fit.

Jumping out of the car Stern follows them on foot, remaining as always the professional "censored the censored kids, censored should be censored censored lamp stand censored" he swears angrily as he fumbles with his mobile "Delta Foxtrot Sahara! In pursuit of primary suspects require back up now!" he pulls out his gun just in case and continues his pursuit, he couldn't afford to let them out of his sight, they'd already got away once before, he couldn't let it happen again.

Unfortunately for our heroes they choose the wrong alleyway, well to be fair they were in a hurry and extremely stressed at the time, they end up in a dead end. Hammering and battering at the grafited and boarded up doors yields no response, Marik leaps on top of a closed dumpster at the end of the alley and tries to scale the wall but falls back down onto Bakura and Yugi.

"Don't move!" yells Stern as he turns the corner and covers them with his gun "get on the ground, get on the censored ground" he yells "do it!"

Can anything save them now? How could they possibly escape this time, is it the end for our heroes? Of course it isn't this chapter isn't finished yet, also they have the twisted and warped imagination of the omniscient writer on their side (me) so escape was not only easy but inevitable after all Stern was making an awful racket.

As Stern steps forward his gun raised ready to take the three helpless teen's into custardy he got smacked hard in the face by an alley door that wrenches open knocking him down and out. Framed in the doorway was a bare chested heavily tattooed skinhead bloke with bulging biceps and the word's Hate and kill marking his knuckles and the foreheads of dozens of intensive care patients, he was completely unaware that he had just prevented an officer of the law carrying out his solemn duty.

"What's all the noise about!?" he snarls gruffly glaring at the three teenage troublemakers flexing his muscles and making Betty Boop dance provocatively as he does so.

Five seconds later Yugi, Bakura and Marik scrambled over the wall, dropping to the ground heavily, they got up brushed themselves down and promptly legged it faster than humanly possible.

Stern on the other hand after picking himself up staggered back to the car clutching his bloody nose, he was not happy how the hell was he supposed to explain to Hardcase how he let them get away? His Driver looked at him with concern (a passing woman he started chatting to while waiting for Stern to return, she looked through her handbag tissues for Stern's nose) "Did they get away? Sir! Are you alright?" Stern mutters something before sniffing loudly "suut fer hurk up ann Dwive"

With no more hair raising adventures or at least none worth mentioning the last said about Rex Raptor in a Barney costume and Weevil Underwood covered all over in bugs the better (shudder) they finally reached the docks and thanks to Bakura's talents broke into the sea front warehouse where Marik once plotted the demise of Yugi and the Pharaoh in.

"So" Marik drawls "how do you like my secret lair, my villainess sanctum, my safe haven of solitude?" he asked his companions "your privileged you know even the spirit of the Ring hasn't been here before"

"It's real…nice" comments Yugi wearily as he looks around the cavernous chamber. It was mainly a huge empty space, a couple of boxes lay in a corner and a rickety table and some chairs underneath one of the raised and grungy windows, some odds and ends here and there, the place was grey and had some lifting equipment attached to the ceiling, several tarpaulins covered the far back of the warehouse and half covered the boxes in the corner.

"So to business" comments Bakura.

"Yeah" agreed Marik "we've got to come up with a plan" he says "so let's pool our resources, I mean what exactly do we know?"

"Well this shouldn't take to long" muttered Bakura "thank God you didn't ask us what we didn't know"

Yugi Anime sweat drops and Marik sighs "not helping he mutters "Yugi?"

Yugi stumbles slightly "Um well, since the robbery took place at the Domino Museum of art, culture and History we should check it out, you know for clues and stuff" he says shyly.

Yami Bakura having taken over from his host growls despairingly "as if they won't A) have beefed up security one hundred fold and B) be looking out for us now" he states.

"It could help us figure out whose framing us" admits Marik "but right now it would be to dangerous for us to attempt it"

"Then we should find a way to rescue or at least get to Joey and Kaiba" Yugi says determinedly "after all it is our fault they're mixed up in this"

"We'll get to them all right" Yami Bakura mutters darkly "if we're lucky they'll put us in the cell next to them"

Marik shoots him a dirty look telling him to play nice before turning back to Yugi "I did promise that we'd try and we will when we work out the details, we need to plan this out, I mean that's why were here isn't it?"

"Oh come of it" snaps Yami Bakura "if Kaiba got of his arse his Lawyers could get him out like that" snaps fingers "why should we put ourselves at risk for the Git and the Dog?"

Yami Yugi glares at him "because this is all your fault!" Marik coughs "and Marik's, so by rights you should help them get out of your mess" he pokes Yami Bakura in the stomach.

"Careful where you put that finger Pharaoh" snaps Bakura pulling Yami Yugi's hand away "you never no what might happen to it" he growls "besides I don't care about rights and wrongs"

"Except when you commit them" Snaps Yami Yugi bristling at his five thousand year old foe.

"If I may interrupt this" cough slagging cough "B.O.ing contest" Marik smirks.

"What?" snarls Yami Bakura. "Be my guest" says Yami Yugi folding his arms and stepping away from the Tomb Robber, Marik rolls his eyes "come on Bakura" he cajoles Yami Bakura shakes his head "not up to the challenge?" asks Marik, Tami Bakura raises an eyebrow but does not respond to his bait, their was no way his ego was going to fall for that again.

Marik leans over closer and speaks quietly into his ear, his hot breath causing a tingling sensation down his right lobe "not up to it then" tut, tut, tut, "even his royal highness is willing to risk ridicule, danger, arrest, excitement and really wild things" Yami Bakura can't help but turn to look Marik in the face "but if Mr. unadventurous Thief King doesn't want to…" he's interrupted by Yami Bakura who throws up his arms in frustration "all right already I'll do it, but only for the challenge and the adrenalin, not for his pathetic friends" gestures at Yami Yugi before reverting control back to Bakura who looks around in confusion, he was even more surprised as Marik whacks him heartily on the back nearly knocking him flying "congratulations" Marik grins "you have just volunteered your lock picking and general thievery skills to operation probably doomed from the start" Bakura sighs after hearing that.

"Two things" Yami Yugi held up two fingers "one" folds one of the fingers "we have a plan then?"

Marik nods "well more or less, well actually less, but we can work out the fine details as we go along can't we?"

"Fine, okay two" Yami Yugi folds his last finger "who put you in charge?" the Spirit of the Ancient Pharaoh pouts childishly after all why should a guttedog like Marik bark out orders and expect the Pharaoh himself to obey them? I mean who did he think he was anyway?

"Oh" Marik's thrown before realizing that of course royalty like Yami Yugi would have difficulty been ordered around by, well to put it bluntly trash like him, that said technically as the head of the ancient clan of Ishtar he could be considered nobility, lets face it he's got the money (carries a small fortune in gold on him) the passed down family gold (The Millennium Rod, that's got to be better than family silver,) they style albeit feminine, cocky and street, he's also mad so that clinches it, he's got everything required to hobnob with the nobs.

"Well I thought my former occupation as a leader of a world wide criminal organization who avaided been caught or dispersed by the CIA, FBI, The Mejia clan in Egypt, Japanese intelligence, Kaiba Corp and Scotland yard would qualify me" he can't help but smirk "not that I presume to ignore any advice or opinions from the great and wise nameless Pharaoh" he bows insultingly "I like to think I run a diplomatic gang"

Bakura rolls his eyes at Marik's antics Yami Yugi steams and reverts back to his light side who looks at Marik reprimandingly "that's not very nice Marik" Yugi says, Marik shrugs.

The one problem that faced them that could spell their doom quicker than the Destiny Board is their inability to stay focused on the problem at hand and get along with each other for protracted periods of time, they kept getting side tracked by personal feelings and infighting.

A long discussion later, that I can't be both…that for time reason's I can not feature here.

"So that's the plan" Marik says smiling manically.

"That's the plan!" Exclaims Yugi wrinkling his nose dubiously.

"Yep" smirks Marik.

"That's a really bad plan" Claims Bakura.

"I know" Marik grins like a full fledged Cheshire cat and a part time psychopath "that's why its called Mission Improbably, implausible, Impossible and lots of other things beginning with Imp"

Bakura sighs for what felt like the hundredth time "he's mad isn't he?" he whispers to Yugi who nods his head while regarding Marik with a look of horror.

"Aw come on" complains Marik "okay so its mad, a mad plan, a plan that is mad, our plan, my plan, our mad plan" if it weren't for the fact that it was impossible that Marik's grin could get any bigger, Yugi would have claimed it had more than doubled in size.

"Tell me straight Marik" Yugi asks him cautiously "have you ever visited the planet Earth?"

"This plan" Says Bakura "it's so mad it will probably work right?" he asks optimistically.

"Probably not" admits Marik "but it will be a blast trying"

Both Yugi and Bakura anime sweat drop but in the absence of other plans, bright ideas or even dim ideas they have little choice but to go along with it, but before they can do anything else, a series of sirens are heard, rushing to the front of the warehouse, Marik leaps onto the table and peers through the muck and grime and considering their luck up to now is unsurprised to find the entire police force of Domino city camped outside.

Dozens of squad cars and riot vans, sniper details set out along the docks, police helicopters sweep over head, loud speakers shouted out demands. One wrong word, one wrong move, just one twitch and there'd be more lead flying about than a fight at a scrap yard.

"Didn't we lose this party already?" quips Marik, Bakura and Yugi glare at him.


	7. Chapter 7

Thanks to everyone who reads and reviews this chapter

**Thanks to everyone who reads and reviews this chapter.**

Chapter 7) Desperate Times, Desperate measures

"Didn't we leave this party" quips Marik peering out the window, Bakura and Yugi glare at him swapping places with their dark half's.

"So this is your super secret villain lair that no one could ever, ever find?" Yami asks sarcastically.

"Safe as houses you said, they'd never find us you said, not in a million years you said" Yami Bakura mocks him.

Great thinks Marik now they decide to agree on something.

"One of my Rare Hunters" he mutters turning back to them "must have sold me out, I Knew I Should Have left them in the Shadow Realm!"

"So do we surrender, go down fighting or commit Hari Kari?" Yami Bakura queries sardonically.

"In cases like this…um…Yugi! What's that expression, you know you use it when you give up and decide to make a run for it?" Marik racks his brain but just can't for the life of himself remember it.

"Leg it?" suggests Yami Bakura. "When the going get tough the tough get going" offers Yami Yugi.

"No!" groans Marik before receiving a light bulb moment "Got it! Digression is the better part of valor" he says pleased with himself.

"So basically going got tough so we leg it?" insists Yami Bakura with a smirk.

Marik gives him a disappointed look "were not running away he says, standing up tall on the table, he puts on an American accent "this here's a tactical retreat"

"Is there a difference?" Yami Yugi asks for Yugi but it is Yami Bakura who answers "a tactical retreat is running away but with dignity" he snorts at the thought of it.

"So" Marik jumps down from the window and leans in close to the Yami's "let's get the dignified hell out of here!"

"Gladly! How!" Yami Bakura asks him pointedly.

"Out the back" Marik explains patiently like it should be obvious.

"Oh why didn't you…" begins Yami Yugi before doing a double take and in union with Yami Bakura exclaims "out the back!"

"Are you mad?" exclaims Yami Bakura "this warehouse backs onto the seafront, what do you expect us to do? Swim for it?"

Marik shakes his head "come on you'll see" he pulls a tarpaulin away from the back revealing a solid old door "quick through here"

Outside the highly trained SWAT team were gearing up for their second encounter with the Yami Ano Hikari band, they prepped their weapons any second now they would be given the go ahead to storm the warehouse taking no prisoners. But a few seconds were all Marik and the Yami's needed in order to leave Domino's finest shamefaced once again.

They'd covered the front but hadn't felt the need to cover the back after all what could they do? Swim for it? Ha, ha, ha, nothing, this meant that the police were extremely surprised when the back of the warehouse retracted and a nifty cool looking speedboat zoomed out accompanied by the James Bond theme tune (hum it or put the casino royal end credits on) The speed boat was primarily white with a red motif and the name Ocean Racer running along it, in front of the rear section were three seats in a row, in front of the right hand seat the steering wheel was located.

Yami Yugi clung onto the left hand side for dear life not trusting his seat belt, a pale looking Bakura was wedged between him and Marik in the middle seat and was looking green around the gills, Marik on the right hand side was driving, he pulls the clutch down and increases speed, on the floor beside their feet (Mariks was tapping along to the tune) A Beat box was playing track one of the best of James Bond CD.

Marik waves good bye to the ground bound cop's with his right hand as the zoom down the coast, the police helicopters try to swing around to follow them, but are to late, Marik, Yami Yugi and Bakura have made a clean getaway.

Ditching the boat they travel by foot through the back streets and alleys, in places only the brave, the foolhardy and Bert's very tough delivery service dare to tread, fortunately Yami Bakura and Marik know these streets well, but time is running out.

"My watch has stopped" Marik shays the offending time instrument in the hopes of restarting it, Yami Yugi doubts even if he does get the watch working again that it will improve their situation "So what now?" he snaps grumpily.

Marik didn't answer he had visions of Yami Yugi trying to insert his broken watch into him, so naturally he was terrified to answer, the thought of having to tell the Pharaoh the 'bad' news filled him with a deep sense of dread and fear. Yami Bakura however would have killed, bribed, flattered and even gone as far as to sell his Hikari's soul to give the Game King the 'wonderful' news.

"Getting late init" Marik comments neutrally as he glances up at the crimson sky, the first stars were beginning to emerge. "We should probably find a place to stay for the night" Yami Bakura grinned from ear to ear, a genuine grin and not his usual evil smirk.

Yami Yugi had that sinking feeling, whatever caused the Tomb Robber such joy was bound to cause him lots of grief, he didn't know what it was, but knew he wasn't going to like it. Already today in the last couple of hours alone he'd been thrown out of a window, ran over several times, been threatened with a gun, chased by the police and had almost been arrested several times to boot, he was not in the mood for Marik's and Yami Bakura's games.

Marik refused to look him in the eye while Yami Bakura was practically bouncing up and down.

"Well" Yami Bakura says "we can't stay at any of our houses, your Grandfathers, my Hikari's apartment, the hotel the Ishtar's are gracing with their presence" Marik gives him a dirty look "the same thing applies to Joeys place, besides according to scuttlebutt…" Yami Yugi looks at him confused "what?" Yami Bakura glares at him for interrupting him "Schoolyard rumor, he lives with an abusive alcoholic father and Kaiba's mansion would be a great place to stay, except the police will be watching it and anyway Kaiba would kill us if we step one foot onto his property" he grins as though he'd like to see Kaiba try.

"I understand" Yami Yugi says coolly "don't insult my intelligence, just give me a straight answer"

"Well with Tristan away visiting family that only really leaves…" Marik stops talking unable to complete the sentence, he looks at his Pharaoh apologetically, causing Yami's blood to go cold, Marik does not pity, he is never sorry!

The coin drops and Yam Yugi takes a step back, the colour draining from his face "No" he says as he puts two and two together and certainly hopes he's come up with five rather than the actual number, Yami Bakura and Marik step forward remaining on either side of him while wearing grave expressions "I'm afraid so" Yami Bakura's concerned tone is off thrown by his gleeful grinning.

"No!" Yami Yugi was in denial and stepped back once again, Marik and Bakura step forward and grab hold of him by the arms to prevent him doing anything drastic like attempting to run away or strangle himself or something.

"Yes, we'll have to stay at Tea's place" Marik sighs.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Screams Yami Yugi struggling valiantly to escape his companions grip and his fait, but he could not, he was doomed, to a fate far worse than a fate worse than death.


	8. Chapter 8

Sabishii Kage Tenshi: thanks for the reviews

Sabishii Kage Tenshi: thanks for the reviews

Chapter 8) the Yami who cried Rape!

"Please I beg you; there must be another way, please, Tomb Keeper! Tomb Robber! In the name of all things sacred no!" Yami Yugi was been dragged along a dark empty street by Yami Bakura and Marik "please don't do this that I hate to do"

"He's got a real way with words" chuckles Marik, another few minutes and they should be at the relative safety of Tea's apartment well safe for him and Bakura anyway.

"Tomb…Marik, Ba…Bakua please, I'll…do anything just please not Tea"

"What part of we have no choice unless you fancy kipping in a trash can for the night, don't you understand?" Yami Bakura asks him.

"Besides you think were looking forward to it? Staying with miss Friendship speeches of the year" Marik shudders but keeps his grip on the stubborn, struggling sire of the shadows.

"I don't mind her friendship speeches" Yami Yugi's eye still twitches but he seems slightly calmer. Yami Bakura and Marik stop abruptly and stare at him "You don't mind her friendship speeches?" they ask. Yami Yugi nods "you sure?" they ask him.

"I kind of believe in friendship and heart and everything, true I'm not as vocal or as passionate about it as Tea. Yami Bakura mutters "Heart of the Cards" under his breath.

"You two are so made for each other" Marik declares as they continue dragging the Pharaoh along "never say that" he winces "she's so clingy and fawns over me" he shudders it's horrible.

"Brave Heart Pharaoh" Marik pats him on the back "brave heart"

"Shouldn't you be as distressed by this as me? You don't even like her friendship speeches like I do" Yami Yugi tries another tact, Yami Bakura answers "easy as soon as we deliver that 'handsome hunk of manly Pharaohness' she won't look at us twice" he pats him almost reassuringly on the arm. "I hope you've eaten some oysters today" Marik comments, Yami Yugi glares at them and reassumes his fruitless struggles for freedom.

Tea was prancing around trying out some new dance moves in her living room in a skimpy light blue negligee she was about to go to bed when she heard it.

Her Apartment was immaculate, neat, tidy and organized. With not even so much as one ornament out of place, the walls were papered with light green wall paper, her mantelshelf above her fire held a picture of Yugi on one side looking ever so cute and wide eyed wearing the Millennium Puzzle, a shell shocked expression on his face having just received a kiss on the cheek from Tea, a rosy pink imprint of her lips was left on his right cheek. On the other side Joey bent to the side holding his hands up trying to defend himself as Tea hits him repeatedly over the head with her hand bag, she remembered that just before the picture had been taken at school she'd caught him trying to look up Minho's skirt. And finally in the centre in a bigger more elaborate silver frame was her and her Yami (Yugi) she had her arms around his neck and was smiling for the camera , Yami was bushing madly making him look ever so attractive. A few ornaments of ballerinas in pink tutu's filled the space around the pictures.

An ornamental lamp with a dent in it and a pink Lamp shade was next to the television in the lower right hand corner of the room a small coffee table was set up in front of the two seater sofa, near the outside wall an old rocking chair a memento of her grandmother was stood in front of a display cabinet of ornaments her inheritance under the window, on top of it were more pictures of her friends Joey, Tristan and Yugi and one of her older sister Anzu.

In upper the right hand corner of the room two doors lead of to the kitchen and the Bathroom, directly behind the Sofa another door lead to her bedroom, and behind the television another door lead to a place no one was permitted to enter her Yami Yugi shrine with thousands of pictures of him and even a Yami Yugi doll, a special life sized doll hung up in the center of the room, surrounded by posters of Yami Yugi and banners that read "I love Yami" "Yami and Tea 4 life" and even more disturbingly "I want Yami's love child"

Back to the noise, she heard, she was about to call it a night when there came a knocking at her door, so she asked herself who would come a knocking at my door at this time of night? So she decided to answer the knocking at her door to find out who was a knocking at her door but first she put on the security chain and grabbed a base ball bat from the umbrella stand beside the door, she wasn't stupid and this is the twenty first century.

Opening the door an inch she asks "yes can I…Yami!!" she dropped the baseball bat, removed the chain and wrenched the door open launching herself at Yami Yugi knocking him down, engulfing him in an embrace she latches her lips onto his and began wrestling tongues with him.

"I knew she'd be glad to see us" Marik comments observing the show with interest. "I'm not sure that's us" Bakura replies wincing as in the deepest recessions of his mind Yami Bakura was laughing his head of and hammering on the floor of his soul room, an experience that gives one quite the headache.

"Yeah well, whatever" replies Marik goggling at the spectacle "do you think she's gonna let him up for air? Anytime soon?"

Bakura shakes his head and suddenly notices Tea's state of dress or lack thereof and looks away embarrassed, has Marik noticed? Marik wolf whistles and leaned over trying to get a better look, ask a stupid question "nice nightie Tea" he comments.

Tea comes to her senses and pulls away from Yami Yugi blushing madly, she was so red, she contrasted heavily against her skimpy attire and in a second flat was back in her apartment with the door slammed behind her.

Marik crouches down next to Yami Yugi "are you okay? Are you even breathing?" he asks him, realizing that he wasn't in fact breathing Yami Yugi starts gasping for air, Marik patted him on the back.

"She seemed happy to see you" commented Bakura but was ignored. A minute later Yami Yugi has recovered enough to stand up if shakily. "That wasn't so bad was it" Marik asks him, Yami Yugi glares at him.

The door reopens and tea hesitantly steps forward now dressed in a tight pair of dark blue trousers that showed of her backside and a white 'Hooters' T-shirt her uniform from her part time job as a waitress in a hot totty bar. A tinge of pink still obscured her unblemished cheeks "Do come in" she flusters nervously, yet manages to flash Yami Yugi a warm smile as he passes her and enters her apartment.

"Nice pad" comments Marik checking out the functional and warm décor "thank you" she replies. Bakura bowed his head in greeting to her causing Tea to giggle at his politeness overcoming her embarrassment "we don't want to intrude" he tells her. "Think nothing of it" Tea dismisses his concerns "you're always welcome in my home" she flutters her eyelashes at Yami Yugi making him uncomftable.

"Especially the Pharaoh" Marik mutters to Bakura who hides his grin at that comment.

"Don't stand on ceremony" she sits down on the right hand side of the sofa "please take a seat" she pats the cushion to the left of her invitingly.

Marik quickly takes the Rocker before Yami can, with a glare at Marik he sits down beside Tea who flexes seductively. "I'll stand" Bakura states leaning on the rocker above Marik, "We need a place to crash for tonight and maybe a few more nights after that, do you mind?" Marik asks her, straight to the point.

Tea staring into the Pharaoh's crimson eyes simply replies "ah huh" that was easy thinks Marik, Bakura continues "You may have heard we have allegedly committed various crimes and are now on the run from the police, well it's not true, well except for the on the run part" he says.

Tea is pulled out of her day dream about her been Yami's Queen and ruling the world with him for ever and ever, it also involved whipped cream and strawberries but I'm not going into any further detail, and if you use your imagination at this point your just been filthy.

"Yeah I know everyone's talking about it" she says hotly "I told them there's no way Yugi would do anything like that" she places a hand on Yami Yugi's knee.

He'd have switched with Yugi but that would simply mean him and Tea would effectively switch roles as Yugi would drool over her for hours while she would find him so cute and cuddly that she'd bounce him on her lap and cuddle him up to her chest like a doll.

"Um were innocent too" interjects Marik "ah huh" replies Tea day dreaming again. "We are" insists Bakura "well I've done nothing wrong"

Tea awakens again from a day dream about spending quality time with her Pharaoh in his Egyptian dungeons (she has an odd taste in fantasies)

"You used to pinch my things all the time" she accuses him, he blushes at the allegation "I'm sorry I can't help it, especially when he makes me" he's near to tears when his forlorn expression is replaced by a look of lust at Tea. "Hello my delicious crumpet of deliciousness" Yami Bakura charms her putting on an exaggerated English accent "leave the Pharaoh and run away with me" he leers.

Tea harrumphs "not likely" she says and folds her arms "have it your own way nifty knickers" sniggers Yami Bakura but before she can yell at him or more likely leap across and start strangling him he switches back with Bakura who looks around confused.

Tea unfolds her arms, she can't blame Bakura for anything that bastard said or did "lets Forget about that pervert" she turned back to Yami Yugi who thinks Typical the Tomb robbers never there when I need him.

"Hey I'm innocent too" Marik says looking up at Bakura who snorts "I am! Well of the crimes were been accused of anyway"

Tea while they were distracted stretched and slipped her arm expertly around Yami Yugi pulling him closer to her.

Bakura moves to the side and kneels down so he and Marik are eye to eye, he raises an eyebrow "what!" Marik demands, Bakura simply replies "The case of the bloody stabbing"

Tea rubs her left hand up and down Yami Yugi's jean covered leg, much to his horror.

"That doesn't count" argues Marik "it went to trial I got of, I'm innocent" Bakura snorts and nearly chokes "you were found next to the bloody victim in an alley, your clothes were covered in his blood, you were holding a blood stained knife, several eye witnesses swore on the bible that they saw you stab him several times and when you were arrested you were quoted to say "I'm F'ing glad I killed the B word" he says.

Tea brushed herself against Yami Yugi placing one of her legs on top of his, she traces a row of kisses along his neck and reaching down his pants squeezes his ass.

"I still got of" Marik insists "only because you were mind controlling the judge and jury and you had mou Hitori no Boku erase the witnesses and victim's families minds" Marik shrugs this of.

Tea leaps on top of Yami Yugi mashing her lips passionately against his and ground her thighs against him several times, Yami Yugi struggles but she rode out any attempts to unseat her.

"He attacked me" claims Marik "there I was walking along an alley when out jumps this hoody demanding I fork over all my cash and jewelry to him, not to mention his exact expression used included him addressing me as 'lady' you get that?" Bakura shook with suppressed laughter "he thought you were a woman"

"Of course I didn't stand for that, beside he sought of impaled himself on his own sword , I stabbed him with his own knife" Marik says clearly pleased with himself.

Tea pushes Yami down until he's lying on the sofa and mounts him rocking up and down like a bucking bronco, before suddenly she pulls herself of him and leans back against the sofa worn out with the exertion, Yami Yugi manages to pull himself up against the sofa arm.

Marik and Bakura finally notice the love bird and Peacock (hair to feather plumage thing) "I'll uh I need to use the bathroom, if you'll excuse me"

"And…I hope you don't mind but I'm felling a little puckish I can make myself a snack" they both get up to leave.

Tea nods her head rapidly, flushed in the face, Yami Yugi pulls himself up and looks across at Marik and Bakura mouthing 'Don't leave me!' they mouth back 'sorry!' and enter the bathroom and kitchen respectively.

The Pharaoh tries swapping places with Yugi for a breather but finds himself pushed back into the body, it seems Yugi wanted to see how far Tea would go, he was observing from his soul room with his legs crossed. It seemed like everyone was against Yami Yugi at the moment.

Tea leans over him and walks her fingers up his bare chest having removed his jacket previously and now his shirt "why don't we" she unzips his jeans "go someplace a little more comftable" she whispers into his ear as she pulls his jeans of him, she nibbles his ear lobe "um, you taste so good, I simply have to haveyou" she grabs hold of his nearly naked form (except for the puzzle which she'll have to be careful with, she could have her boob of with that) heaving him into a fireman's lift she carries him into her bedroom hanging a do not disturb sign on the door handle before she closes it.


	9. Chapter 9

Sabishii Kage Tenshi: I don't really have anything against Tea, I have read loads of fic's that dog her for her friendship speeches and several which claim she's a slut so I merged the two and well, I thought it was funny

**Sabishii Kage Tenshi: I don't really have anything against Tea, I have read loads of fic's that dog her for her friendship speeches and several which claim she's a slut so I merged the two and well, I thought it was funny. Yami is uncomftable about it as he was in love with Manna three thousand years ago, but now she's trapped in a card that every duellist drools over not exactly the staple for a stable relationship, he can't remember Manna or been in love, but just feels uncomftable with Tea trying to get into his pant's, and Yugi's in love with Tea who because of his short height feels more maternal towards him (Yami's taller and looks more mature, Yugi just looks like he's jailbait but he's as old as Bakura and Marik and has the same urges and feelings and so on)**

Chapter 9) the Morning After

The gloomy morning sun barely made it through the thick curtain's of Tea's apartment except in her Bedroom where it shone through gaps where the curtains had been hastily pulled together and was most surprised to find itself shining over discarded items of clothing instead of the usually spotless and immaculately clean room. Steeling itself for the worse it rises higher, it's angle changing until it reaches the bed and is so shocked by what it finds itself shining across it almost goes out but fortunately for the solar system it keeps itself together and continues to shine.

Yami Yugi was lying on Tea's bed half covered by the bed sheets, the puzzle on a chain around his neck was laid on the bedside table, he was apparently naked and extremely vulnerable, his arms were handcuffed to the headboard with pink fury handcuffs while one of his legs was handcuffed to tea's with a set of purple and furry handcuffs, Tea in the same state of undress was curled on top of him resting her head under his chin. She shifted in her sleep rubbing her knee against him, Yami Yugi whimpers pathetically.

0o0o0

'This has a got to be a bad dream, a hideous night mare! One I'm about to wake up from any second now screaming in my bed in my mansion in terror' thinks Kaiba.

He had just been put on trial for aiding and abetting wanted criminals and had received ten years in prison, ten years! He'd never survive it, he shook like a leaf as he was lead away by the police guards. His tough guy image was crashing around him. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Kaiba wakes with a start hitting his head against the ceiling as he does so, seeing stars it takes him a while to realise that it had just been a dream. He winces as he feels his sore head "thank god" he mutters.

He hadn't been he hadn't been put on trial, he hadn't been sentenced for Ten Years in prison, he hadn't swapped numbers with an embezzler called Trevor and promised to keep in touch, that was a relief. He was however still stuck in confined space with an Egyptian Drunk suffering a three day hangover and a guy who'd lose a battle of wit's with a half brained iguana.

"What's an iguana?" Joey in the bunk below him asked curiously.

Kaiba frowned he hadn't remembered talking out loud but then he had hit his already over abused head again, and he was now beginning to wish he'd taken the bottom bunk after all.

"Tough, there's no way I'm swapping now" retorts Joey.

Kaiba sighs he hadn't even been aloud one phone call, he hadn't seen his Lawyer or his brother and it's all those deranged losers, Marik, Bakura and Yugi's fault or as he was going to refer to them as from now on "Houey Douey and Louey"

"Hey you think you're the only one suffering, what about my sister? And quit insulting my friends they'll get us out of this, you'll see"

Kaiba rolls his eyes, yeah right and you're not a son of a Bitch.

"Same to you moneybag's, same to you"

Rashid turns over he was now past the half way point and should be fully sober and a hundred percent in another day or so but was still incredibly fragile right now "please be quiet" he begs "please no noise, no noise"

0o0o0

Last night after determining it safe to enter the living room again, having made use of some cotton wool found in one of Tea's cupboards stumbling onto her Yami shrine and been thoroughly disturbed by it as they did, they made a set of cotton wool ear plugs and fell asleep on the sofa leaning against each other.

Marik awoke first at about half five in the morning or as his digital watch now claimed since his last attempt to fix it a quarter to September the 16th PM, he found Bakura clinging onto him and drooling all over his shoulder. Still imagining the kind of night the Pharaoh was having it could be worse, or better, no worse Tea just isn't my type, she's to bossy Marik decides resting his head in Bakura's doe like hair, um not bad he's got a future as a cushion if he fails as a thief and lets face it with the thief king helping him he just might, he thought back to Tea and the pharaoh having remembered him in his prayer the Gods, still he thinks exclusively of Tea she's got a nice bust, wonder which is comfier Bakura's head or Tea's Bust? He settled into that drowsy half asleep, half awake state and was soon snoring away into Bakura's soft locks.

Two hours later Bakura wakes up blearily to find Marik cuddling up to him, snoring away into his hair, still it could be worse he thinks at least he had ear plugs and he could have been a drooler. Stretching he tries to make Marik let go of him a task made difficult by an early morning yawn he feels coming, as his mouth falls open into a yawn Marik jerks awake and accidentally brushes lips with Bakura, they both freeze and then leap away from each other as though on fire "we pretend this never happened" they say in union, and then have to take out their ear plugs and repeat themselves so the other can hear.

After a few tense minutes they overcome their embarrassment and Marik even starts complaining about Bakura's sleeping habits "Look at that" he dabs his shoulder with a paper towel "you drooled all over me" Bakura blushes and retorts "well you're a snorer" Marik shakes the ear plugs at him making that argument fall flat "and what o you think I am?" Bakura continues "a teddy bear?"

It's Marik's turn to blush he turns away muttering something about "Mr. snuggles" and "gone bye bye" Bakura really doesn't want Marik getting in touch with his inner child. He's a kleptomaniac not a Childs Psychologist.

So he puts on the T.V. turning down the volume and putting on the sub titles, hopping through the channels for something to distract Marik with. Why does Tea have the XXX Anime channel? They caught the middle of an episode that involved hot female power ranger like Heroines saving the world in tight super sexy spandex suits, still it was keeping Marik entertained and that Blue Ranger girl is kinda cute, Bad Bakura Bad!

(So host this is the sort of thing you modern day Mortals do for fun) Yami Bakura seemed genuinely curious (are these those cartoons you mention….Ra almighty! Half naked anime girls!) Spirit form Yami Bakura appeared sat between Marik and his Hikari, he and Marik looked like a set Bakura thought both were gripping the edge of the sofa tightly with their legs crossed, mouth open, unable to tear their eyes away from the TV.

(Your sudden grasp of the principles behind it amaze me) Bakura comments in a polite yet sarcastic tone, Yami Bakura ignores him. Only his host could see him when he was in his spirit form, but even after the first thousand years it took some getting used to, been in a translucent body that only your present host could see or touch. Yami Bakura draws his attention from the 'action' on screen to ask his Hikari (what's that thing on there with the girls doing?)

(I believe you'll find that is a typical hentai representation of an alien tentacle monster about to perform alien tentacle ra…)

(Fuck me blind! Do you see what its doing?) Yami Bakura suddenly realises something (hey how come you know so much about it anyway?)

Bakura blanches (I'll make breakfast) he says quickly as he leaps up and rushes into the kitchen, his Yami's laughter following him.

An hour passes and as the episode of Super Sexy Slutty Sentai Soldiers ends Marik channel hops and finds a more acceptable if only marginally film about an assassin, Bakura didn't get the plot which basically involved him murdering everyone around him in horrific and gory ways, but it was brutal, bloodthirsty and had lots of swearwords in it so it kept Marik and his Yami entertained.

The door to Tea's bedroom opens, Marik and Yami Bakura tense up. It was Tea dressed in a crumpled nightgown and carrying some fresh clothes and a towel "Hi guys" she smiles warmly and bubbly all rosy cheeked "I'm just gonna have a shower" she tells them "is the Pharaoh awake?" Marik asks "is he alive" Bakura mutters but under his breath he didn't want her to hit him over the head with a lamp stand again, like last time.

"Oh sure, he's just resting, he had a bad night" Tea enters the bathroom, closing the door behind her "didn't sound that bad from where I was" mutters Yami Bakura when she was out of ear shot.

"Where were you?" Marik asked him "pressed with my ear against the door" replies Yami Bakura with a grin, Marik's shoulders shakes with suppressed laughter, he manages to blurt out "and?" Bakura shrugs "she's one kinky slut" takes on a lustful leer "but I dig her"

"Yeah right" Marik shakes his head "you're only lusting for the friendship bitch 'cos she's lusting for the pharaoh" he accuses, Yami Bakura shrugs but doesn't deny it he gets up stretches and sneaks across to the bathroom to peer through the key hole, he walks back to Marik upset "Damn it she left the key in the lock" he complains bitterly.

Marik has a sniggering fit "I thought you were a master thief, not a sexual deviant?" he asks him "you name it they've tried to arrest me for it"

Tea's ajar bedroom door opens Yami Yugi stumbles out and falls flat on his face he has the air of someone who has just escaped from a dungeon by gnawing through the ropes, Marik and Yami Bakura are so stunned they forgot to laugh.

Not counting the limp puzzle around his neck he was half naked and still has two furry hand cuffs one around his arm, the other around his leg, he was desperate, pathetic covered in sweat, a permanent twitch in his right eye twitched away, but the laughable part was that since his clothes had been discarded in the living room and since Tea had ripped his undies in half he had been forced to put on one of Tea's mini-skirts to cover up his modesty.

Yami Bakura and Marik recover and collapse helpless with laughter. "Glad your having a good time" Yami Yugi gasps "traitoress Baka's you just left me there to be ravaged!"

"Hee, why didn't you switch with Yuge, she'd have spent all her time mothering him instead of molesting you" Marik bit out between laughing.

"Don't you think I tried?" Yami Yugi says near hysterics forcing himself to calm down he shoots anxious glances at the bathroom where he can hear the sound of running water "he wouldn't let me"

"Why not, I thought he enjoyed sitting on her lap been pressed against her cleavage?" Yami Bakura asks in confusion.

"Because he knows she'd never with him, but would with me" explains Yami Yugi "he was watching in his soul room, what I felt he felt"

"Wow" comments Marik "Yugi as a Voyeur, I'd never have guessed that one in a million years"

"Can we please go clear our names or get arrested now?" pleads Yami Yugi "I don't care which"

"We'll get you some pants first" Yami Bakura smirks, Marik leaps to his feet a hundred watt light bulb going of inside his head "of course" he says "I can't believe I've been so stupid"

"I can" says Yami Bakura "you got an idea then?" he asks with a due sense of dread.

"You better believe it" replies Marik "who are the police looking for?" he asks his companions.

"Us" answers Yami Bakura "next question" he smirks.

Marik shakes his head "no! Well yes, but look" he takes a deep breath "there looking for three male teen's answering our description"

"So?" Yami Yugi asks warily.

Marik points at each of them in turn "Yaminette" points at Yami Yugi "Barbara" points at Yami Bakura "and I'm Maria" he grins "we become girls" he explains.

"What!!" exclaims Yami Yugi at once finally managing to distract Yugi into switching with him, Yugi stumbles his body spent. Yami Bakura took longer to reach a decision clearly thinking it over "does this mean we get to use the women's changing rooms in clothes shops?" he asks pervertedly, Marik and Yugi look at him "what I'm just saying"

Marik decides to ignore the three thousand year old dirty minded thief "We get Tea to help us with the clothes, make up and accessories I mean she can perform the makeover on us" declares Marik grinning madly.

"She's not going to give us a sex change is she?" Yami Bakura asks him "because I like my host to be a man, I don't want to be running around in a woman's body"

Marik and Yugi look at him "Tea couldn't do that" Yugi tells him irritably his body was aching in places he never thought possible, a relieved Yami Bakura reverts back to Bakura "although god knows she'll give it a try if you goose her in class one more time" mutters Marik (referring to Yami Bakura and not Bakura he would never do anything so rude and impolite to a girl)

"I'm telling you we could walk past a cop and he won't give us a second look" Marik continues hyping up his plan "And if he does" Bakura says "he'll be disappointed"


	10. Chapter 10

**Sabishii Kage Tenshi: very descriptive descriptions of the girlafied Hikari's coming up.**

**Shadistar 13: yeah, we'll be getting back to Kaiba and Joey later.**

Chapter 10 Make up and Dress up

Last Time on Beat Breakers

Yami spent the night with Tea and is now wearing one of her Miniskirts "of course" Marik said as he leaps to his feet "I can't believe I've been so stupid"

"I can" said Yami Bakura "you got an idea then? I ask with a due sense of dread"

"You better believe it" replied Marik "who are the police looking for?" he asked his companions.

"Us" answered Yami Bakura "next question" he smirks.

"They're looking for three male teen's answering our description and not" Marik points at each of them in turn "Yaminette" points at Yami Yugi "Barbara" points at Yami Bakura "and Maria" he grins after pointing at himself "we become girls" he explained.

"What!!" exclaimed Yami Yugi at once finally managing to distract Yugi into switching with him, Yugi stumbles his body spent "What!" he exclaimed he couldn't have been more shocked if he had just seen Joey proclaim his undieing love and devotion for Kaiba, actully on reflexion that last one would have been more shocking and disturbing but he was still pretty shocked. Yami Bakura took longer to reach a decision clearly thinking it over "does this mean we get to use the women's changing rooms in clothes shops?" he asked pervertedly, Marik and Yugi look at him "what I'm just saying"

"Your a Hentai" Yugi said decidingly there and then.

Marik decides to ignore the three thousand year old dirty minded thief "We get Tea to help us with the clothes, make up and accessories I mean she can perform the makeover on us" declares Marik grinning madly.

"We won't have to have a sex change will we?" Yami Bakura asked him "because I like my host to be a man, I don't want to be running around in a woman's body"

Marik and Yugi look at him "Tea couldn't do that" Yugi told him irritably his body was aching in places he never thought possible, a relieved Yami Bakura reverts back to Bakura "although god knows she'll give it a try if you goose her in class one more time" mutters Marik (referring to Yami Bakura and not Bakura he would never do anything so rude and impolite to a girl)

"I'm telling you we could walk past a cop and he won't give us a second look" Marik continues hyping up his plan "And if he does" Bakura said "he'll be disappointed"

And now the story continues

"Yugi! stop squirming" Tea orders slapping him sharply "you'll make the mascara run" Yugi obediently stands stock still as much as Tea liked him if she got angry at him she would still smack him hard.

Marik was wearing black stockings, brown boots and a black gothic style dress, his hair had been dyed black with red highlights, he wore silver chains, ear rings and an occult hexagon symble dangling of a chain around his neck. His skin had been treated to several coats of make up to change his browned tan complexion to a creamy white colour, so people can't reconise his distinctive skin tone.

This all came together to give him the apperance of a gothic tomboy chic, who right now was trying to perect a more femmine walk ratheer than his ussual swagger.

Bakura at the best of times could be mistaken for a girl (only at a distance) so was easier to outfit and doll up than the others. he was wearing a lightgreen miniskirt and top, like Marik he had one of Tea's bra's filled out with socks, blue and black striped stockings and pink plastic clog like sandles, he had never had his ear's peireced but wore one of Tea's friendship bracelets and a golden chain necklace, an open blue jacket on top completed his outfit. His pale skin had been darkened slightly with make up, not to the point of giving him an ebony skin tone but enough to give the impression that he actully saw day light now and again, his hair had been dyed a vivid fire red and pulled back into a small ponytail.

He looked like red headed cute young teenage girl. He ussually walked daintly and was giving Marik a couple of tips.

Yugi was suffering the most sitting on tea's lap like a doll while she wrestled with his hair trying to remove the easily reconisable spikes it had already been dyed purple when Tea had removed the lashings of Gel covering it. He was wearing light blue socks under a set of tea's high heels, a dark blue minin skirt, a white shirt and another dark blue jacket, his bra was also padded with extra socks.

While Bakura could keep the Millennium Ring hidden and invisable and Marik could hide the Millennium Rod in his suspenders, Yugi couldn't simply stash the Millennium Puzzle but this didn't matter as many Yugi fan girls had made replica Puzzles and wore them frequently.

He looked like a chibi girl all ready for school.

Yugi slips of Tea's lap "Well I think that's finally cracked it" she declares as she brushes Yugi's hair with a hair brush.

"So how do we look?" Marik poses next to the embarrased yet resigned Bakura.

"Your own mothers wouldn't reconise you" Tea states as she puts away her make up kit "which is just as well" she mutters to herself.

"Now that really inspires confidence" Marik shakes his head "well c'mon then we'd better get going if we want to hit Domino city for the rush hour" yugi pales "you mean we have to go out in public, like this!"

"Well that's the general idea Yugi" replies Bakura sarcastically.

"But why the rush hour? there'll be more people around to see us like this" Yugi continues to blush madly and tugs on his skirt.

Marik swears unladylike in arabic "the whole point of the plan is that no one can reconise us, even if people do think it's a couple of perverts dressed in drag they still won't know who we are"

Yugi bites his lip clearly not convinced Marik turns to tea for suport "I mean would you reconise us?"

Tea shakes her head "you should modify your voices a little, try and make them softer and higher, more like a girls"

"Like Yugi's" Bakura asks innocently and also a little niavely earing a glare from the skirt wearing King of Games.

Oblivious to this Tea nods her head and runs a hand through yugi's purple locks 2yes exactly like Yugi" she squeals girlishly "he's soooooooooo cute!"

Bakura and Marik are weirded out by this and take a step back. Oblivious Tea continues fussing over Yugi "listen to Bakura Yugi he's got the voice right"

Bakura blinks "but this is how my voice always sounds" he protests "and?" asks Tea confused, Marik stifles a chuckle while Yugi glances half amused/half apolagetically at Bakura who frowns angrilly at the clueless Tea.

"Quit isulting Bakura's manhood Tea" commands Marik "just because he speaks with an English accent"

Bakura anime sweatdrops "that's supposed to be you defending me?" he asks.

Yugi glowers at Marik "she's not your mind slave you can't order tea around like that"

"Soon remidied Yugi ol' gal soon remidied" Marik fingers the Millennium Rod and smirks.

Tea takes a deep breath 'no matter how much make up I apply or how they are dressed they are still male and have all their acomping faults' she clears her throat "Girls" she says disaprovingly "can't you stop arguing for five minutes and work together? You have to if you want to clear your names..."

'Here it comes' thinks Marik zoning out while Bakura tried to retreat to his soul room to escape but his efforts were futile there could be no escape from the dreaded friendship speechs.

"...as long as you harness the power of friendship there is nothing you can't overcome..."

While Yami Yugi in his soul room nodded his head in aproval Yugi wasn't really paying any attention to her speech he was to busy staring at her chest a dribble of drool hanging from the corner of his mouth.

An hour later "I'm with you...in spirit! Of course. But our friendship holds no bounds, and you'll always provail because...owwww!" Tea jumps into the air cluching her backside where Yami Bakura had just pinched her.

A second and a clunk later and the Lampstand in Tea's apartment gained another dent. Yami Bakura staggers back stumbling in the clog snadles he cluches his head "Ra almighty! that bloody well hurt!" he complains and allows his host who looks much more femmine than he does to take over. Bakura groans "I wish he wouldn't do that to you" he says "and i wish you wouldn't do that to me" he winces and massages a newly forming bump on his noggin.

Marik slips out of the coma he'd been in for the past hour or so and makes an excuse before Tea could restart another speech "huh, is that the time?" he checks his watch theatrically and whistles "half past new zealand the 33rd, we must leave immedietly"

"But what if the police catch us" snaps Yugi.

"Yeah my Yami and I will never be able to hold our heads up high in the criminal underworld ever again" claims Bakura ofhandedly.

"Look" states Marik "so what if they do? We're doing nothing illegal, we'll tell the old bill yes officer we decided to visit the Domino museum dressed as girls right down to the frilly panties level" Yugi tugs on the hem of his skirt again "so what? they can't arrest us for that"

"I wouldn't bet on it" mutters Bakura "not just existing charges including escaping arrest, and supposedly stealing the..." Marik cuts him off, waving the Millennium Rod in his direction "alright, alright we won't get caught then"

"Um maybe this is a stupid question" says Yugi as he follows Marik and Bakura out of Tea's apartment, high heels wpuld take some getting used to, Tea started rushing around getting ready for shift at the totty bar, she puts on her shortest mini skirt and tightest uniform, it was the only way to be asured big tips.

"But why do we have to wear girls panties?" Yugi asks Marik who replies "in case one of us get's hit by a bus" he tries adopting a more girlish tone which was now at odds with his accent.

"Because of course we won't have any other concerns if we get hit by a bus" mutters Bakura sacastically.

"Nock it of with the negative waves will ya, it is going to work, we are going to pull this of withoput a hitch, 'cos wer'e good, we're really good, we're good you know at this sought of thing, we're good"

Yugi as they approach the intimidating visage of the domino museum "We're doomed!"


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11) Better luck next time

Five seconds before Kaiba was about to scream there was a jangling at the cell door as the lock was unlocked and then Kaiba nearly did scream the last thing he wanted was another interrogation by Hardcoin and Stilt.

Joey was living the life o'reilly in nick; he'd already traded several ounces of snout for a bar of hazel nut chocolate and was running a highly lucrative black market in Duel Monster Cards.

Rishid Had fully sobered up by that time and was meditating – paying his dues to the Gods or something, maybe he could have a word in the gods ears on their behalf and get them to fix the mess Kaiba found himself trapped in the middle of.

After a full twenty four hours steaming in an enclosed space with a drunk and a loon (albeit a sharp minded loon at least when it came to running an underground wheeling and dealing operation) Kaiba was prepared to humble himself before the great and bountiful Sun god Ra and beg for his most expedient release from incarnation, or at the very least, a blunt pen knife and a very large hammer.

The Cell door opened admitting a 'screw' clad in his starched black uniform "Seto Kaiba, Joey Wheeler, Rishid Ishtar visitors" he states curtly "follow me" he strode of in a military march with Kaiba, Joey and Rishid having to jog after him just to keep up.

The 'screw' lead them into a visiting room a wall with a clear Perspex viewing screen built in divided the prisoner section from the visiting section, a desk built out from the wall on either side had three chairs waiting for the prisoners to sit down on and a slide through tray for the passing of legal documents and disguised contraband, an intercom system allowed the visitors and prisoners to communicate.

Waiting for them were three people, three more than welcome sights, a vision of an oasis in the dessert a dieing man would see. Kaiba's visitor was his brother Mokuba looking aloof and streetwise in his shredded jeans, Nike trainers and hoodie. Joey's visitor was his sister Serenity looking relieved to see her brother clad in a yellow and white dress. Rishid's Visitor was his adopted sister Ishizu wearing her usual robes, and looking exceptionally calm and refined.

Mokuba spoke up first beginning with a sigh "Seto, Seto, Seto" he shakes his and continues as though his brother wasn't even in the room "that brother of mine always getting himself into trouble and expecting me to bail him out of it"

Joey snickers as Kaiba glowers displeased but unable to comment on the matter. Serenity frowns at Joey and folds her arms "Don't you dare laugh Joseph Wheeler" she tells her brother who's taking aback at her scolding tone "spending a night in jail I'm ashamed of you, it looks like you take after our father after all" Joey opens his mouth to protest and then closes it clearly ashamed.

Ishizu takes her turn to berate her felon "Rishid…I despair" she places a hand to her forehead as though warding of a migraine "I thought I could trust you to act responsibly" she sighs "of Marik I would have expected no better but as for you Rishid…" she shakes her head "sometimes I think it is the fate of the Ishtar's to descend into common criminality"

Rishid bows his head full of repentance "I…I am so sorry sister…it was Marik…he…" Rishid groans "he is very persuasive I swear I only went along with him and the Tomb Robber to keep an eye on them, and one thing lead to the other, and…here I am" he finishes of rather lamely, and falls silent.

Kaiba clears his throat "Mokuba have you…"

"The Lawyers are doing their legal wrangling as we speak" Mokuba states smugly "I expect we'll be able to get you out, all of you in ten fifteen minutes tops" he announces leaning back casually in his chair.

Twelve minutes and 29 seconds later…

A smirking Kaiba, a smug looking Joey and a somber Rishid strolled out of Domino's central police station, no not just strolled but strutted!

Stern scowls as they pas shim by "don't let the door hit you on the way out" he snarks.

Joey grins even wider "expect to be hearing from Kaiba's lawyers about the lawsuit fer wrongful imprisonment, not to mention the abuse we suffered in dere" for once Kaiba was in complete agreement with him "I expect I'll obtain a great deal of compensation for the concussion I received due to police brutality" he declares feeling better than he had in days. Rishid merely shrugs his shoulders "I hope Mr. Hardcase was able to get his hat and mac cleaned after that regretful incident during my arrest" a twinkle in his eye showed his rare display of humor.

"Kinda makes you sick don't it?" laughs Joey. Even Kaiba struggled to maintain his straight face as they sauntered out of the station and into a Kaiba Corp limo where their respective siblings were waiting for them.

"Told you" Mokuba winks at his big brother "I always said you were lucky to have me to bail you out, I just never meant it literally before" he sniggers.

Kaiba keeps his head held high and ignores his brothers comment "what about Motou, Ishtar and Bakura?" he asks curtly.

"Yeah are they okay?" Joey asks his voice concerned.

"Our Lawyers are working on their charges as we speak of course them resisting arrest hasn't exactly helped" Mokuba states with a frown "their doing their best but it doesn't look good"

"I meant where are they?" Kaiba clarifies his voice devoid of any emotion.

Mokuba shrugs "they haven't contacted any of us" Ishizu states "Tristan's out of town and we haven't been able to get hold of Tea she must be working or something" adds Serenity "yeah and the police have put guards on their houses" finishes Mokuba.

"We've got to find 'em" declares Joey "they might need our help"

"Help them?" Kaiba asks incredulously "when I get hold of them I'm going to kill them!"


End file.
